Would you wash your hands with your brand?

My hands were dripping wet. I'd just finished washing them, and I was absent-mindedly drying them with a paper towel when I noticed a new bottle of hand sanitizer on the sink.

Oh cool, I thought. I love the smell of sanitizer, and since we're always out of it, I reached for it with enthusiasm.

When I looked at the bottle, I was so horrified, I dropped it on my foot. Ouch.

I then picked it off the floor, and threw it in the garbage.

Why? The label. The bottle was a PayPal promotional item which somehow found its way to our office. (We get three promo items a day. If you need a Viagra pocket flashlight, let me know).

I detest Paypal. I've had so many issues with them, and every time I deal with them, I get more annoyed, for there is not a phone number ANYWHERE on their site. They don't want you to contact them by phone. Ever. How's that for a customer service model?

Meanwhile, back at the ranch. I realized that my love for wonderful, clean hand sanitizer was completely offset by the brand that represented it. I'd rather wash my hands a second time, and have germs running all over me that have ANYTHING from Paypal touching me.

I'm sure inside that bottle was perfectly fine sanitizer. What a waste.

Today's marketing lesson? Your company can produce the most amazing product in the world, but all that goes right in the garbage if you've neglected to build your brand.

Not measuring your marketing results? You can go to hell.

The other day I read an article in Crain’s saying how 26% of small businesses don’t measure marketing results whatsoever.

That reminds me of Chris, the marketing guy who died last year when a Powerpoint projector fell on his head. He was faced with the decision on where to spend eternity. They showed him heaven, which was the usual smattering of harps, clouds, angels, etc. So he asked to see Hell, and found the biggest party of his life - a DJ, dancing, and attractive people having, if you will, a Hell of a time. So, Chris naturally chose Hell. Whereas he found himself chained to a wall, and subject to the most grievous forms of torture - whips, chains, The Tennis Channel, etc.

Puzzled, he asked to speak with the man in charge. “I was promised the biggest party of my life - what happened?”

The devil replied, “Oh, yeah. That was just the marketing presentation.”

Let me just say one thing. If you feel like you’re falling for the brilliant sales presentation and winding up in hell, it’s to re-evaluate your marketing, and insist on measuring results. If your agency won’t do it, find someone who will.

And whatever you do, watch out for those heavy projectors.

How “Buy one, get one free!” kills your brand

I was walking down West Broadway in Soho yesterday, and I saw one clearance sale after another. 70% off here, 90% off there.

Yes, these retailers are clearing out merchandise at minimal profits in the short term. But in the long term, they're killing their brand.

Back in the 1950’s, marketing experts proclaimed that most buying decisions were based on logic. We use logic, they explained, to purchase things like toilet paper and laundry detergent. However, we use emotions to purchase big things like new cars and homes.

So, directors of marketing took their advice and ran. Anyone with household products pushed it with claims of “New and Improved!” “Buy one, get one free!” and “Blue Light Special!”

As a result, they diluted their own brands. No one became attached to their product or service, because as soon as something cheaper or bigger came around, consumers switched. When was the last time you had the urge to shop at K-Mart?

Nowadays, we know better. Emotion is the way to create an powerful connection with your customers. (That’s why toilet paper commercials features soft lovable bears and laundry detergent commercials show sleeping babies). Branding experts today all agree, once your customer believes your brand represents what they believe, they will be loyal for a lifetime.

This knowledge is so powerful! I'd hate for it to fall in the wrong hands. So, what's the next step? Glad you asked. You need take a close look at your customers and see what emotions propel their buying decisions. Then, you need to categorize and quantity them, create a marketing message that drives them, and unify all your future communications so these emotions spur them.

In other words, you have to build a brand. Be proactive, not reactive. That's the way to build your company in the long term.

In the meantime, I'm gonna get some boots on sale - this snowstorm is killing me...